Take a breath at The Fortress Man Specialty Retreat

It’s an increasingly fast-paced and demanding world, and men can be especially guilty of not taking the time to step back and assess their mental and emotional health.

Approximately one-in-five men in Australia experiences a mental health condition each year, and men are three times as likely to die by suicide as their female counterparts.

With so many men challenged by societal pressures, renowned leadership coach Mark LeBusque has been guiding men through the complexities of modern masculinity with his The Fortress Man Specialty Retreats. I was fortunate enough to attend one of these at the beautiful Elysia Wellness Retreat, set amid the vineyards of the Hunter Valley in New South Wales, Australia.

I did not get off to the best start. I had promised my son we would try to purchase much-sought-after Australian Grand Prix 2025 tickets, which had gone on presale during my drive up from Sydney. By the time I arrived at the retreat, my place in the virtual waiting room had painfully ticked down from 1,440 to double digits.

Rather than give up, I left my laptop open in front of me in the dining room as the other attendees arrived for the welcome lunch.

As I stared wide-eyed at the screen, willing my position to change to ‘pole’, one of the wellness team politely pointed out that this was not how things tended to be done here and my digital detox was going to be just as important as the alcohol, coffee and carbs that I would be saying goodbye to over the next three days.

Facing fears

My head reset, I was ready to throw myself into the activities on offer. I was already late for the first of these – the irony that I was actually running to a class on Zen walking was not lost on me.

My instructor, Brad, had been fascinated by a group of Zen monks he had seen gracefully walking at a snail’s pace through the center of Tokyo’s busiest interchange in the 1980s. Over the years, he has perfected their unique skills, which allow one to glide along in a meditative state.

I followed Brad’s super slow-mo lead for the length of the basketball court. I, too, must have zoned out to some extent, as he informed me it had taken us more than 16 minutes to cover the 29 meters of the court. After three more lengths, he said my face had relaxed completely.

Over the next three days, I was able to try out tai chi, yoga, karate, Feldenkrais and even explored the benefits of breathing more efficiently.

The methods learned were to help me with one of my biggest personal challenges – cold water immersion. I had always had a phobia of cold water ever since those unforgettable primary school swimming lessons in an unheated outdoor pool in the United Kingdom.

The rest of the group had boldly climbed into the five-degree-Celsius water to enjoy the enormous health benefits of immersing themselves up to their necks in near-freezing water, but I abstained.

Now equipped with my new breathing techniques, I was able to conquer my fears and calmly complete the recommended two minutes, and I felt remarkably good for it.

A safe space

Mark has been running The Fortress Man for more than two years and developed the concept to help men deconstruct the ‘fortress’ they build around themselves to protect against showing vulnerability.

As our group of differing ages and backgrounds from all over the country came together for our first meal, we connected in that standard way that guys do: "Where are you from?" "What do you do? Busy at work?" There were some slightly awkward exchanges as we assessed the colorful stacks of nutritious food and fragrant herb teas with names like Focus, Breathe and Flush.

Over the next three days, we were to open up and engage on a completely different level. Mark’s business has been connecting men for more than 10 years, with a strong focus on ‘self-leadership’.

Working in small groups, we were able to compile lists of personal improvement goals and then identify the goal that really mattered to us. This could be professional or something more personal. This was a safe space where men from a range of cultures, who had only met days ago, could share experiences and openly support each other.

Mark has had to deal with his own personal tragedy, and was comfortable sharing the experience and his coping mechanisms with the group in an absorbing and non-preachy way.

After 24 hours, a couple of the more serious coffee drinkers in our group complained of headaches, and the caffeine detox seemed to have given me one, too.

However, by the third day, I was feeling fantastic. The whites of my eyes looked clearer, my skin looked fresher and I was sleeping better than I had in months.

Body and soul refueled

Mobile phones are not banned, but nobody seemed to have the urge to use them. The whole group had a spring in their step, feeling not only more comfortable with each other but comfortable in our own skins.

I was surprised by how pleasurable it can be to eat clean when expert chefs are preparing it for you. Once your nutritional preference had been stated at check-in, most choices were made for you. Meals were adapted accordingly for each member of our group and they never missed the mark.

The team of chefs take pride in preparing meals made from foods that are as close to their natural source (unprocessed) as possible, with many elements even grown on-site in the picture-perfect vegetable garden. And it’s not entirely without cheat treats – a delightfully rich chocolate mousse was a welcome surprise on ‘dessert night’.

If you need a break from the more holistic wellness activities, there are plenty of other fitness options on offer, with a well-equipped gym, indoor and outdoor pools, basketball and tennis courts.

Plus, Elysia Wellness Retreat is located right next to the picturesque Cypress Lakes 18-hole championship golf course, which I enjoyed on my third day. Don’t be surprised if, like me, you end up seeing kangaroos in the middle of the fairway more often than your ball.

Natural endorphins

The three-day trip included all meals and each day’s (optional) scheduled wellness activities, which were distributed at lunch the day before. Mine also included a Swedish massage, but more than 50 additional treatments could be purchased at Elysia’s day spa, and the curious can even try out hypnosis or have a soul reading.

For most of the trip, I had imagined I would be desperate for that first coffee to accompany me on my drive back to Sydney, and then perhaps a couple of glasses of red when I got home. But when the moment came, and I made my way through the surrounding hinterland, I was surprised by how easily I could resist the urge.

I was feeling newly motivated, mentally sharp and physically the best I had felt in a long time. One of Mark’s quotes that resonated with me was that we are "human beings, not human doings."

My endorphins were running high on nothing but fresh air, exercise, nutritious food and shared connections, and I wanted to be in this moment for as long as it could last.

For more information on upcoming guest speakers at Elysia Wellness Retreat, go to www.elysiaretreat.com.au or visit Mark LeBusque’s website here